I finally have something to talk about!

Okay this person was like, oh join my Mystic Messenger discord server it will be fun! It wasn't i only lasted two days. Okay? What's more insulting they were allowed to post chibi gifs and post a picture I liked and it got deleted! Not even inappropriate either just girl looking down at a city. Oh and I was left out, I got ban for being different so f*** them you know.

And this guy... He can't expect me message him EVERY single day a relationship vi s not build on goals. I never been in relationship witness people being so stupid in front of me. When you want start a relationship don't expect them to message you everyday, okay? It makes you sound desperate.... =∆= I pray there is men in this world WHO'S not a man child and loves living in the country along with horses.

Imagine yourself in shoes you were bullied your whole life because how you were born and look like. Never graduated, it's why my life is total nightmare. I'm force take care of my mom when I'm disabled trying to learn how to get use to controlling my own health.

But in dreams I live a peaceful life,without anyone who calls me useless and not doing anything right. Expect you be this perfect daughter which insulting because she doesn't KNOW what I went through either did I know what she went through. It why I rather be awake when I'm in my dreams than reality because reality is living nightmare. I can be who I want to be in my dreams and nobody there make feel so horrible. If you dealing with your own family treating you like this you are being emotionally abuses and they are too stubborn to notice it. So you're not alone try not hurt yourself over it because it's not you done anything wrong it's ones you trusted who whole life.

It's our reality but people in my position should know I'm here to talk to them as well.

I remember when I was younger I said yes to everything helping others and trying make them happy but not me. I was very fragile back then and easily hurt by others. Now I'm easily fooled by anyone anymore, it's like know when someone is down right awful by looking straight into their eyes.

They judge me and laugh because they just wasted words for nothing for few moments. It's really hilarious how people try to hurt me now all I do now is smile knowing I'm lucky be alive and they are jealous because I'm more kind to others than any of them will be. Life is going give you trouble and unexplained reason hated by someone you never even spoken to or known, sometimes you got backfire them by being happy.

So... It's hard to find true love now because how scary people can be these days. It's like greed and misery repeating itself in modern era of 21at century. It gets so tiring to try, as I try dating online people didn't understand my true Christian. How I am modest person and rare to fine. But get judge by how I look because of my vilitigo skin condition and my disability.


Men don't get I don't want be part of drama, I got no time going out drinking and doing stupid stuff. My mom is sick all the time, I'm 22 years old and don't have time learn how to drive or earn my education because of my mom always in pain. I am force to be a full grown woman before I was ready to be and can't enjoy being young. I would feel so relieved if I had someone who supports me.

I understood how men have needs but so do I, I need someone I can trust and patience knowing I can't give his needs in return until I'm ready when we are actually married. Even how because my past I won't let him in my life so easily, I don't expect a super perfect relationship because that's insane.

There will be flaws like first time I get so excited baking him something sweet and end up burning it or embarrassing myself in front him because he talking too fast when makes my heart race. And tripping over air or falling down out of nowhere. Even our first argument and him making me angry but I'll get over later ( if he gives me big bug eyes look expression when he's mad making me laugh) or when catches me dancing randomly in my room. (¶∆¶) I would be horrified!!

But yeah.... Relationships aren't perfect they'll have ups and downs but I'm end you can't help but love them. I never experience love or slow dance at home coming. I miss my chances with boys many times because I was scared. If I could go back I would've let them in.